Almost
by modsiwevoli
Summary: During/after the event of 3.16. Daryl grieves what could have been.


AN: I just had to write something after that finale! Ahhhh! This is rushed, and messy, but I had to get it out.

Disclaimer: nothing's mine!

* * *

It took until he had laid down in his bunk for the night for it to hit him.

After finding Merle... Or what was once Merle, it was like all his strength had been taken from him. He had cried more tears than he ever had before, and then they had simply dried up. The agony, the loneliness, the fear of facing a future without his ass hole brother by his side... He shut it all away.

There would be time later. After the Governor was taken care of. After the prison was safe.

How could he have known that only more heartbreak lay ahead of him?

* * *

Finding Karen on the side of the road had been the beginning. As he and the others listened to her tell of how the Governor had lost his mind and killed his own men, he couldn't help his mind wander to Andrea. Anger clouded his mind at the thought of what this mad man could have done to her.

The sharp shooter that had almost stolen his heart.

Almost... That seemed like the only way to explain their relationship. He had almost kissed her in the woods when they were searching for Sophia. He had almost told her Shane was trouble. She had almost shot him in the head. She had almost gotten away from the farm. He almost went back for her.

Almost. Almost. Almost. That word had haunted him the past year, and it seemed it would again.

He had almost begged her to stay and the prison, and if he had, then maybe she wouldn't be in the grasp of a madman.

He knows he shouldn't, but he can't help himself, and he asks about her. He asks Karen if she is fine.

"You don't know? She's not with you?" Karen replies, confusion obvious in her gaze.

And suddenly the emotion clouding his mind wasn't anger, it was fear.

"What're you talkin' about?" Daryl whispered, words barely containing the emotions he's fighting.

"A few days ago, she escaped over the wall. The governor went after her, but said she got away. Said she was with you." Karen says, concern tinging every word.

There is a tense moment and Rick, Michonne, and Daryl all absorb this.

"You're taking us to Woodbury," Rick hisses quietly, leaving no room for argument.

And then they're off. Daryl hardly remembers the short walk to the town, his mind a jumble of emotions that he's not yet willing to feel. He still hasn't dealt with mourning for Merle, and if anything happens to Andrea, he doesn't... He doesn't know how to handle that level of grief. He shuts it out. There will be time later.

Suddenly there is gunfire, and they are at the walls of Woodbury. Tyreese and Sasha are there. There is shouting on both sides, but he's not listening, and then suddenly they are running through town, down hallways, trying to find where Glenn and Maggie were kept. And then they're there.

Oh God. Please no.

There's so much blood. There's a whole puddle of it, seeping underneath the door. His hands begin to shake. And then Michonne is right there, right next to him, asking Rick to open the door. And if he is in agony, he can only image how Michonne is feeling. After all, she is the one who was actually there for Andrea when she needed her. She is the one who actually hold the title of 'friend.'

He readies his gun, praying to a God he's not sure exists anymore that he doesn't have to shoot a walker Andrea when that door opens.

Rick counts to three, but oh god, he's not ready.

The door opens, and the body on the floor is male, and a rush of relief hits him. Until he sees her hands.

Hands that he had spent more time than he cared to admit memorizing. Hands that could be deadly with a gun. Hands that could soothe a wound on his head. Hands that were currently covered in blood.

Michonne rushes to her friends side, and he is thankful for her being the friend that he cannot. He just stares and prays. She's alive, but he can't shake this feeling. Somethings wrong.

And then he sees it.

She's bit.

This is the end.

There's a ringing sound in his ears, and he feels like he's been punched in the gut. Rick and Michonne are there at her side, comforting her, and he's just standing there staring like an idiot, because he has no idea what to do. There is nothing he can do to fix this.

They're speaking, but he has no idea what they are saying. At one point Rick looks to him, like he's waiting for him to say something, but he just can't.

And then she's staring at him, only at him. And there's a smile on her lips. She says "No one can make it alone now," and he wants to scream, and yell, because without her he will be alone. First Merle, now her, what does he have left?

He opens his mouth to say 'I love you' or 'don't leave me,' but what right does he have? After all, he's only the man who left her on that farm to die. He's the man who let her walk away from the prison. What right does he have to make her feel guilty and burdened with his problems in her last moments?

So he settles for, "I never could." And he prays that those few words he can choke out tell so much more than that.

She turns away, and she's talking again, explaining why she did the things she did, explaining her reasons, and all he can think is that she was too good for this world. She was too innocent, too idealistic. Of course this harsh world would snuff her out.

She's telling them too let her do it herself, and he's amazed at how strong she is. How even at the end, she's unwilling to burden others. And God, in that moment, he loves her. And he almost tells her.

But he can't.

Then the gun is in her hand, and she's looking at him again, and he almost breaks down. Why her? Why?

Rick is pulling him out the door, and he sends one last look her way. Saying what he cannot out loud.

'Goodbye.'

In the hall he leans agains the wall, sinking to the ground. Waiting.

And for a moment, he let's himself rage. Rage against this world that had taken this woman from him, before he even had the chance to make her his. He was stupid, all those times putting it off, telling himself there would be more time. Rage against Rick for not letting him go back for her. Rage against the Governor for ending her life.

Mostly he rages against himself. There should have been no almosts. He should kissed her in those woods that night. He should have told her she should be with him, not Shane, he should have wrapped her in a hug after she was so upset about shooting him, he should have made sure she was on the back of his bike and far away from the farm.

Maybe, in the end it wouldn't have worked out. Maybe, they would have driven each other crazy, and maybe they would have ended up like Rick and Lori. But maybe, just maybe, they would have fallen in love. Maybe they would have had a future.

A gunshot rings out.

He bites his fist to keep himself from crying out and covers his face with his other hand.

* * *

Later, he's lying in bed, and there's no Merle, and there's no Andrea.

Suddenly, he's sobbing. Loud, painful sobs that wrack his whole body. His chest is on fire, and god, this must be what a broken heart feels like.

He curls in on himself and let's his grief, his agony consume him.

There is no prison. There are no walkers. There is no one else. The only thing that exists in this moment is Daryl Dixon, and the agony that is suffocating him. The despair that is threatening to overwhelm him.

He know that tomorrow, life will continue, and he will keep fighting, keep protecting. Tomorrow he will burry this grief, and continue on.

But right now, Daryl Dixon is grieving.

* * *

Hours later, when he is finally spent, and falls into a restless sleep, one last thought swirls in his mind.

'Dammit, we deserved a chance to find out.'

AN: Reviews would be much appreciated, along with any pointers! :)


End file.
